For way too long, my emotions have been the determining factor of what I do, when I do it, how long I do it, when I stop – and how I assess the results. I have worked my way into frustration, anger, sadness, determination, and fatigue.
Yesterday, I had every intention of getting so much accomplished once I got home from work, but when sudden illness had me curled up in a ball whimpering for relief, I felt deflated and useless. There was literally nothing I did that relieved the symptoms I was going through - although some things I tried DID make it worse. But my husband helped me with some things and encouraged me to look at the good things that happened. The day was not a total loss. I was able to sleep for an hour. I needed the rest. I was able to text a colleague about some upcoming opportunities for outreach. We’ll work out the details later. And I got a phone call from a distant friend – and in the sharing of that time, we encouraged one another, shared our hearts and invested in our relationship. Feeling ill physically didn't take those things away.
I need to remember that feelings aren’t always accurate in their assessment of what’s really happening. I felt sick. I felt discouraged. But God still used the time beneficially – for me and others. And I am more likely to be compassionate with others struggling with illness, knowing how suddenly and powerfully an unknown “bug” affected my abilities to accomplish my “to do” list! I still have more to do – I always will. But the length of my list no longer has to define my worth, or how I feel about it. Know you are loved. Know you have value. Not because of what you do, but because of Whose you are! <3